Run the ‘Hey, did you hear?’ test
Having trouble nailing that “business casual” tone you’re aiming for? Try reading your message aloud — after a friendly greeting or phrase:
“Good morning, honey! In regard to the subject account mentioned above, please find the enclosed statement.”
“By the way, Bob, let’s figure out how we can leverage our bandwidth to incentivize our team to envision an impactful B2E interface, enterprise-wide. I think we can tee this up as a strategic synergy.”
“Long time, no see! The re-writing of the vocabulary of intemporal Irish heritage is a possible vector for submissions on the condition that this transposition is resolutely anchored in the 21st century through a contemporary lens that absolutely avoids drifting into the vernacular.”
“Hi, everyone! I’m so glad you could make this meeting today. We’re going to discuss a very important topic — how we can redefine B2C partnerships, target collaborative infomediaries, harness 24/365 Web services, engage plug-and-play e-commerce, drive proactive models, scale robust experiences and engage transparent models so we can facilitate out-of-the-box ROI. Who’s with me?!”
“Hey, did you hear? This position & objectives are a new addition to the stable of existing Global Lubricant Solutions (GLS) functions. The role participates in the development of the ChevronTexaco Global Lubricants Innovation Solutions Vision and drives cultural change with associated front-end strategies and concepts that eventually become customer-facing differentiable Integrated Solutions.”
I call this the “Hey, did you hear?” test. If your copy sounds like the adults in a Charlie Brown special — “Wah Wah Wah Wah” — after a simple greeting or phrase, chances are, your copy is too stiff, bureaucratic and jargon-filled.
Gobbledygook courtesy of: Golden Bull-winning direct mail letter from the Crafts Council of Ireland
A job opening announcement at Chevron, published in The Chicago Sun-Times
Hey, did you hear? Is your tone conversational? Then you’re on the right track.