‘From X to Y’ is one way to add detail
Jonathan Franzen contrasts a character’s life then and now in Freedom:
There’s power in twos. Two details — 1) formerly been active with the SDS in Madison and 2) now very active in the craze for Beaujolais nouveau — create interest and balance in your message.
From X to Y
One of my favorite techniques for two details is the “From X to Y” approach. Add alliteration, rhyme or A-to-Z examples, and suddenly, you have a colorful passage on your hands. Here’s one example, from my company brochure:
“Ann travels from Hollywood to Helsinki, helping communicators in organizations like NASA, Nike and Nokia polish their skills and find new inspiration for their work.”
I was able to use the from this to that construction in this rewrite for a European tech company. Here’s the original:
After:
In fact, commuters make more than 3 billion trips each year on the Paris metro, tram, bus and regional express trains through Paris and the Île-de-France. That makes the RATP the densest and largest metropolitan transportation system in the world. …
Show, don’t just tell.
Fun facts and juicy details are among the more than 6 types of concrete material to try.
One way to get more detail into your piece: Try balance, from X to Y and the power of twos.
Learn more about concrete detail.
How could you use concrete details to sell your points?
What questions do you have about concrete details?
How can you make tedious topics interesting?
Fun facts and juicy details might seem like the Cheez Doodles and Cronuts of communication: tempting, for sure, but a little childish and not particularly good for you.
Not so. Concrete details are more like salad dressing and aioli — the secret sauces it takes to get the nutritious stuff down.
Now you can learn to use concrete details to change people's minds — and behavior — at Master the Art of Storytelling, our business-storytelling workshop starting May 17.
There, you’ll learn six quick ways to add color to your message and how to help readers understand big ideas through specific details.
Save up to $100 with our group discounts.
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