‘I’m so excited’
Executives are in a tizzy over their announcements
Have you noticed how excited corporate spokespeople are these days? And if not excited, how pleased, proud and delighted they are? Some are even thrilled.
OVER THE MOON Why are executive quotes so giddy?
Or at least that’s what they say in their executive quotes.
In one 30-day period this spring, Business Wire was thrilled to post:
1,284 releases using “pleased,” including:
“Discovery Education is pleased to partner with the Adobe Foundation to share this unique and innovative program with our network of educators nationwide,” said Mary Rollins, vice president, Discovery Education.
1,007 releases using “excited,” including:
“We’re excited to officially welcome Wyse to Dell and help extend its industry-leading efforts to a broader range of customers and partners,” said Jeff Clarke, Dell vice chairman and president, Global Operations and End User Computing Solutions.
782 releases using “proud,” including:
“CFS Clinical is proud to offer breakthrough solutions featuring technology specifically designed by industry experts for our space,” states Greg Seminack, President and Managing Partner of CFS Clinical.
401 releases using “thrilled,” including:
“We are thrilled to welcome Det Norske Teatret as our first partner in Norway,” said Jeff Koets, Vice President of Sales and Marketing at AudienceView.
378 releases using “delighted,” including:
“We are delighted that Grand Hyatt will be part of Ciudad Empresarial Sarmiento Angulo, which will be one of Bogota’s premier commercial projects,” said Pat McCudden, senior vice president, real estate and development for Hyatt Hotels & Resorts in Latin America and the Caribbean.
Contain yourself.
So what’s wrong with expressing your executive’s enthusiasm about your organization’s partnerships, executives, solutions or hotels?
- These quotes are clichés. Fill-in-the-blanks PR quotes make your readers’ eyes glaze over.
- They say nothing. These quotes just repeat the announcement. They don’t move your argument forward or cover new ground.
- Nobody cares how you feel about your organization and its stuff.
So instead of telling me how excited you are, why don’t you tell me something that makes me excited?
Overcome the emotion.
To repair these quotes, take these two steps:
1. Try a different word. When you find yourself writing “I’m delighted that …,” substitute titillated, intoxicated, overly emotional, worked up, delirious, verklempt, aflutter or agog.
OK, that’s not really a tip. But I want you to do it anyway.
2. Rewrite the quote to excite the reader. Focus on how your whozit or whatzit is going to change the reader’s life.
That’s something to get worked up about.
Make Your Copy More Creative
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- Get it off your desk: Invite Ann’s team to handle a creative writing or editing project.
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- Boost your own abilities: Work with Ann to Make Your Copy More Creative in one-on-one writing coaching. Or find out about Ann’s next Art of the Storyteller webinar.
- Learn more: Read Ann’s learning tools on storytelling, metaphor and human interest. And get free writing tips every month when you subscribe to our e-zine.
- Join the club: Get the whole story in the latest issue of Rev Up Readership. Find dozens of tipsheets on creative copywriting at RevUpReadership.com.
